What's better than a Swedish Beach?

Trick question... there is nothing better than a Swedish beach, but we did make a beach day trip yesterday to the North Sea.

Tönning, Germany... home to the largest continuous beach in Germany. Also home to the highest topless old lady per acre of beach ratio in the world.

Imagine you are lying on the beach, eyes closed, waves crashing as you take in the sun on a beautiful June afternoon. Just then, you open your eyes to reach for another sip of your coconut maitai. You shouldn't have done that. A German lady is staring you in the face. It gets worse, she's saying something in German. Oh, and she's topless.

I guess you can't blame her for being so friendly. Turns out she was just commenting on the weather.

¡Suerte y al toro! (pertaining to jokes)

This is a tale of a joke that didn't work so well across cultural boundaries:

Ben to a Spaniard: "Have you seen that new pirate movie?"
Spaniard: ???
Ben: "Yeah, it's rated ArrrrrrrrR!"
Spaniard: ???
...twenty minutes of explanation...
Spaniard: "So that is the sound a pirate makes?"

Byfesten

It's that time of year again... < fill in the blank >-fest. Every city has one. In Watertown: Riverfest. Sonderborg: Byfesten.
I'm pretty sure there is a worldwide formula that cities purchase which summons a convoy of carnies to roll into town from their carny villages. The carnies set up their carny tent village, and people flock to throw their money at them. The interesting population of the city finally shows its face and the question is answered, "so theres the other 10,000 people that live here." It's these 10,000 helpless folks that make the entire carny system work. Steps to make the system work:

1. Find people with children, preferably four or more children
   
2. Offer cheep Chinese crap for a seemingly simple task (often of physical merit)
   2a. display one huge stuffed animal for girlfriend to see
   
3. Deep fry every food item you offer
4. Never stay in the same town for more than three days
5. Stay away from cities with more than 25,000 people
   

10 Minute Rule/Teacher of the Month

So we attempted to go to class today, but when we got there... no professor. A sense of excitement immediatly filled the room, as people began running the formula in their head:

The duration that must be waited =
10 minutes + (# of 4.0 students x 2) + (Age of professor/10) - temperature outside (in celsius)

This is of course an unwritten rule, which leaves some room for discretion. The class collectively got up after 19 minutes without a single word being said and left the classroom. Even though it is only May 8, I am going to give the nod to Jesper as the "Teacher of the Month: May." He has clearly earned this honor, canceling class two times in April, and now with the no show... easiest decision ever.

Skinny Swedes

Once again, Swedes (and Danes) show us the way. I can attest firsthand that my fellow Swedes are every bit as curvaceousas I have made them up to be.

Genes, or lifestyle? Something to think about...

Euro-Tailgate 2007

Yesterday was the first of many days to come in which we grilled the meat of our choice on the courtyard grill in our backyard. I chose a prime cut of Danish deliciousness. The festivities were to celebrate "The Last Tutten" rather than a Brewers game, but had the tailgate feel nonetheless. Funny how grilling a piece of meat over a few beers is celebrated everywhere in the world. I guess the American tradition of man, fire, and meat isn't all that exclusive.

Fernando (Spanish with mullet) manned the grill as German, Danish, French critique.

The grill has the seemingly magical ability to attract all men within a five mile radius around its smoldering coals. Men from all walks of life forget their differences while under the grills spell, as they stand around a fire gossiping about the exotic salts and spices they have used on their prized cut of meat. Men compliment each others meats, and express their pleasure about how great it is at least once every bite. Men act on their primal instinct to watch over and guard their precious prime rib. They bribe and argue about who's steak gets to be in the coveted sweet spot right over, but not too close to the hottest coals. Every man reverts to thousands of years of evolutionary favorable behavior: i am man. man kill bear. man cook meat.

When a man volunteers to have a BBQ, the following chain of events are put into motion:

1. The women buys the food
2. The women make the salad, prepare the vegetables, and make dessert
3. The women prepare the meat for cooking, place it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and take it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand

Here comes the important part:

4. THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL

More routine:

5. The women go inside to organize the plates and cutlery
6. A woman comes out to tell the men that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation

Important again:

7. THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN

More routine:

8. The women prepare the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and bring them to the table
9. After eating, the women clear the table and do the dishes
10. Everyone PRAISES THE MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts
11. A man asks a woman how she enjoyed "her night off" and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!

I have a theory on understanding where you stand in a relationship. Number one on the list signifies: you are joined at the hip; all the way down to six: you potentially are in a relationship.

1) buying a grill together
2) buying a car together
3) having a pet together
4) getting a joint checking account
5) buying a house together
6) exchanging/merging playdoh

You win second prize in a beauty contest... collect $10.

I have lived here in Denmark for about two months now, and I have come to appreciate many things. Sure they don't have million dollar houses and Hummers. They don't have attics and sheds full of unused possessions. They don't even have Kellogg's Captain Crunch! What they do have though, is a population of people that are kind, helpful, and most of all, humble. They live one of the highest standards of living in the world, without relying on their possessions. They appreciate what they have, and care a great deal about what they have been given.

My favorite saying of the Danish people is,

"Denmark: Where few have too much, and even fewer too little."

I think we have a lot to learn from this place I now call home.

Early Morning Theory

In my lawnmower induced awakening too early this morning, I came across this article that clearly describes me (I just signed up for my MU classes, and I don't have any before 12:00 every day):




Being on the B-list will no longer be a sign of being second rate at one Copenhagen secondary school - just a late riser


Starting this autumn semester, students at HF Centret Efterslogten in Copenhagen's North-west district can forget about setting their alarms.

HF Centret, a secondary school preparing people for certain professions falling outside those offered at universities, will offer a test group of type-B students classes starting at 12:30 pm. The school plans to extend the programme to an entire year starting in 2008, offering a complete 10-5 format.

The initiative was started by the B-society, an association that supports type-B people and helps promote their lifestyle. According to society president Camilla Kring the group's school's initiative is the start of a 'revolution'.

'It's fantastic and we expect the trend to catch on elsewhere. We want to have B-grade schools, B-high schools and B-nursery schools. This is only the first step on the path.'

The B-movement has exploded since Jyllands-Posten newspaper published an article about the Copenhagen-based association in January, when B-Society had a mere 67 members. It now has 3880 members, including many from Sweden and Norway.

Studies show that up to 25 percent of the population are B-types, who normally prefer staying up later in the evenings and sleeping late in the mornings.

Ole Vadmand, a student counsellor at the school, said the idea of later classes benefits everyone, not just the students.

'None of our students or teachers have to go out and milk the cows anymore, so there's no reason to continue to living in a society modelled after agrarian routines.'

Vadmand said that when he first mentioned the idea of later classes to his students, the clear response was that nearly all of them wanted them - not just the B-types.

Kring said she is looking into starting another association for A-types, which make up some 15 percent of the population.

Smart Danes

It seems as if the Danes have made a wise decision as to not invest billions into the US's Federal Debt fund. As a matter of fact, the Danes have no national debt of their own to worry about, thanks to the robust economy and the efficient Danish economic model!

American?: Passport Discrimination

EU passports are maroon, US passports are blue. There are probably a million bureaucratic reasons why, but it is also an efficient way to instantly spot a US citizen. I have noticed throughout my travels that in airports, people wait around in queues with their passports in hand. As if there weren't 589 other ways to identify Americans, this makes us easy to spot (stay tuned for the other 588 ways!)

Taxes: Have you filed?

We're getting close to that April 15th deadline, so I hope you have all done your taxes. As a diversion to your W4's and 1040's, I offer this bit of insight. In Denmark, every item purchased is charged a 25% value added tax (VAT). Regardless of what the item is: food, cars, medicine, clothes. Imagine the price of that new Ford Focus you have been eying if you add a 25% tax to the sticker price (not to mention the 25% duty paid to purchase a new car). The sticker price on a VW Golf in Denmark after VAT & duty, 234.000 DKK ($41,844USD). You could get a Mid-level BMW for that in the US!

Now stop complaining about how much the government is taking from you in taxes and file already!

Danish Whisperer

It is very hard to whisper in Danish. Be it the gutteral tones or the clearing of the throat, it isn't a language to be spoken lightly or quietly. Please use your 12 inch voices to gossip during classes...

St. Patrick Who?

Apparently, St. Patrick didn't do much for Danes, because they had no idea what St. Patrick's Day was. One Danish guy commented, "is that the day people dye their beer green and drink the whole day?" Despite this being "Swede in America," I am also a little Irish, so it was a shame not to be able to celebrate this day. We did however make a bathtub full of glogg, so I learned a new tradition, be it related to St. Patrick or not.

Denmark vs. Wisconsin

	Denmark	Wisconsin
Climate	Temperate; humid and overcast; mild, windy winters and cool summers	Continental; cold, windy winters, humid mild summers
High Elevation	567 feet	1,951 feet
Low Elevation	22 feet	581 feet
Economy	Agriculture: Dairy, Cattle, Hogs Industry: machinery, food processing, paper products	Agriculture: Dairy, Cattle, Fish Industry: food processing, machinery and transportation equipment, electronics
Population	5.4 million	5.5 million
Date of Statehood	1849	1848
GDP (USD)	$256 billion	$300 billion

Fumar puede matar

Translation... smoking may kill you. That is the warning label that is printed in huge letters on a box of cigarettes from Spain. A little less subtle than the tiny fine print in the corner of an American pack. Does it scare people? Not here in Europe! I think about 70% of the people I have met here smoke, and when I say smoke, I mean like a chimney of a French power plant. Have I become an a asmatic victim of second hand smoke? Not yet, but it isn't out of the question...

Laundry Season: that time of the month

It comes around every month or so, and boy do we hate it... laundry season. That one time a month where your day is consumed with moving loads from one machine to the next, taking out some things as not to shrink them, hang some things to air dry... the list goes on and on. When I showed up to the laundry machine in our building to feed the beast that is the washing machine... well lets just say Denmark is way ahead in the field of washing machine technology. First of all, never worry again about planning your day around doing laundry at 2:00AM on a Friday like in the crowded dorm laundry rooms back in the US. Here in HK, a few days before that time of the month comes, just go to the machine you want reserve, insert your ID card, and a touchscreen guided system shows you the times available to reserve your machines. It is so simple, yet revolutionary. Secondly, the machine dispenses its own detergent, fabric softener, and bounce sheets... automatically, right into the machine, in just the right amount for your selected load. No more lugging that 38 gallon value sized detergent bottle up and down the hall! But the burning question here is does all this sweet technology make doing laundry any less terrible? My answer: absolutely not... To those of you that leave this task up to a loved one, show them you care by buying them a car or something... god knows they deserve it.

A word about volume...

If I'm allowed to stereotype (and this is my blog, so I can), I would have to say that of all the exchange and regular students here, Spaniards are by far the loudest people in the world. Fernando (my neighbor), is having some friends over for the week, and when you get five or six of them in a room together... it is crazy. By contrast, I have never seen a Swede, Dane, or Norwegian student with their doors open screaming at each other. For example, my Danish neighbor prefers to use the kitchen when nobody else is in there, whereas the Spaniards and Frenchmen all flock to the kitchen at the same time to cook and what seems like fight with each other. It truly is a sight to be seen/heard when they all get in the kitchen together and have all 12 burners going and pasta everywhere. Whilst I do enjoy the comedic scene, I really can identify with my Scandinavian brethren when it comes to this style of social situations. It isn't that we are cold people, we just keep to ourselves more than Spaniards stumbling into your room 3:00AM with a "new" soccer cheer (sorry guys, I've heard that one from you a million times).

Am I a Viking?

Who were the Vikings? For most people, thoughts of raping and pillaging probably spring to mind, as do images of busty women called Brunnhilda with blonde plaits and horned helmets.

The Vikings sailed from the Nordic countries to Britain, Ireland, North America, Russia and even Turkey. Yet for visitors to Scandinavia and locals alike, there are currently precious few opportunities to find out the truth about the extraordinary people who spread their culture over most of the known world.

This could soon change, as plans have now been unveiled to start an interactive museum in Stockholm to satisfy tourists’ hunger for the medieval Scandinavians.

“There is a big interest worldwide in the Vikings,” says Marie Nork, one of those trying to set up the Stockholm Viking Center. Quite apart from countries actually visited by Vikings, there is huge interest in both the United States and Japan.

“They are used in commercials – they’ve even been used in propaganda. During the 19th century they really became romanticized: that’s when they acquired their horns.”

The Stockholm centre, which is still in the planning stages, will look at these myths and compare them against the reality of Viking life – a reality that was more usually centered around trade and farming than the art of war.

“East-bound Vikings particularly did lots of trading, rather than fighting and pillaging,” she says.

Fight back

We all know about Facebook, MySpace, and others... now for only $15.95/month, you can have your tarnished reputation restored. Too bad they don't make this for celebreties. Restore your reputation today, before it's too late!

I feel personally responsible to do something about this...

The last natural blondes will die out within 200 years, scientists believe. A study by experts in Germany suggests people with blonde hair are an endangered species and will become extinct by 2202. Researchers predict the last truly natural blonde will be born in Sweden- the country with the highest proportion of blondes.

But they say too few people now carry the gene for blondes to last beyond the next two centuries.
The problem is that blonde hair is caused by a recessive gene.In order for a child to have blonde hair, it must have the gene on both sides of the family in the grandparents' generation.The researchers also believe that so-called bottle blondes may be to blame for the demise of their natural rivals. They suggest that dyed-blondes are more attractive to men who choose them as partners over true blondes.

The frequency of blondes may drop but they won't disappear

Prof Jonathan Rees, University of Edinburgh

But Jonathan Rees, professor of dermatology at the University of Edinburgh said it was unlikely blondes would die out completely.
"Genes don't die out unless there is a disadvantage of having that gene or by chance. They don't disappear," he told BBC News Online.
"The only reason blondes would disappear is if having the gene was a disadvantage and I do not think that is the case. "The frequency of blondes may drop but they won't disappear."