ATRs: Which Swedish Princess Should I Marry?

Crown Princess Victoria

Princess Madeleine

So the Swedish Royal Family is in Copenhagen for a few days, and this brings up a question that has gone unanswered for far too long... which member of the Swedish Royal Family should I marry?

On the one hand, Princess Victoria is the Heir to the Swedish Kingdom... On the other hand, Princess Madeleine is The Duchess of Hälsingland and Gästrikland. Do I want an entire kingdom, or just a couple provinces to look after? Either one would mother beautiful Swedish babies, so that's a moot point... Both are collegiately educated: Princess Victoria is a Yale girl, whilst Princess Madeleine a U of Stockholm girl...

I've been loosing sleep over this... I could really use some feedback from the readers.

10 Minute Rule/Teacher of the Month

So we attempted to go to class today, but when we got there... no professor. A sense of excitement immediatly filled the room, as people began running the formula in their head:

The duration that must be waited =
10 minutes + (# of 4.0 students x 2) + (Age of professor/10) - temperature outside (in celsius)

This is of course an unwritten rule, which leaves some room for discretion. The class collectively got up after 19 minutes without a single word being said and left the classroom. Even though it is only May 8, I am going to give the nod to Jesper as the "Teacher of the Month: May." He has clearly earned this honor, canceling class two times in April, and now with the no show... easiest decision ever.

Skinny Swedes

Once again, Swedes (and Danes) show us the way. I can attest firsthand that my fellow Swedes are every bit as curvaceousas I have made them up to be.

Genes, or lifestyle? Something to think about...

Kollegiet Olympics

Yesterday marked the annual Kollegiet Olympics here in Sonderborg. Each of the student halls in Sonderborg (Sønderskov-kollegiet, Ungdoms-kollegiet, Handels-kollegiet, Park-kollegiet, Borgmester Andersen-kollegiet, Damgade-kollegiet, Humlehøj-kollegiet) are invited to form teams and participate in Football (Soccer), Volleyball, and Brännboll.

However, it isn't a athletic competition so much as it is an excuse for Danes to drink (we do that a lot here). Eight o' clock in the morning a Danish breakfast is served and washed down with a cold beer (to be followed throughout the day with warm ones). This signifies the start of the games...

Our international team quickly became familiar with the rules... when someone is playing too well, they are given a "green card" by the referee. This player is ordered to the sidelines and handed a warm bottle of beer. They must finish the beer before they are allowed to re-enter the game. Not only does this encourage competitive play, it gives a player an excuse to take a breather and a brew.

It was a long day of fun in the sun, and in the end, our international experience in both sports and drinking were not to be matched. We won the two sports we entered (none of us knew how to play Brannboll) and took the trophy (there was no trophy). Needless to say, block 4 HK goes down in the books as the champions.

The best was yet to come though, and through all the Danish chatter over the loudspeaker: "Det er bestyrelsen, som indgår udviklingskontrakt med WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!"

I remembered to snap a picture during the first "heat," the later rounds proved too captivating to snap pics of...

Great day, or greatest day...? It's hard to tell.

Tragedy in Legoland: Woman Dies in Lego Rollercoaster Accident

BILLUND, Denmark — A 21-year-old employee at the Legoland amusement park was killed in a roller coaster accident, police and park officials said Monday.

The woman, who was not identified, died immediately Sunday after being hit by a coaster car, police said.

"We're shocked," Legoland manager Henrik Hoehrman said. Nothing like this has happened before."

First of all... I went on that ride, and it was pretty sweet. Second of all, if my Lego Princess was in any way harmed because of this coaster, so help me god... I'll unbuild the entire coaster brick by brick and build a castle for us to live in happily ever after.

Introducing... Sweden's Modern Swedish Chef

Sweden's answer to Martha Stewart, Tina Nordström mixes pseudo-southern charm with a cheeky sense of humour.

Who is she and why is she famous?

Tina Nordström is Sweden's most famous celebrity chef. The likable southerner's untrammeled popularity make her something of a Swedish Delia Smith (without the major shareholding in a mid-sized football club), or Martha Stewart (without the spell in jail).



What's her secret?

Like mama's lasagna, it's all in the recipe. Take a spoonful of southern charm, mixed with a dash of barely decipherable dialect. Add a sprig of humour and bring the bubbly personality to the boil. Stick the whole lot in the mixer and you're left with a quite delectable dish.

Sounds tasty alright.



It's a quite exquisite concoction, which has ensured that the woman they call Food-Tina has topped the ratings any time she's been bothered to put her hand near a pot.

And what about family? Has she ever had a bun in the oven?

Hilarious gag. She's only heard it more times than she's had hot dinners. But yes, she and her boyfriend Martin have a little one-year-old called Albin.



That was a bit saucy. So is she still keeping the juices flowing on Swedish television?

No. Food-Tina has recently been treating American audiences to her culinary delights on a show called New Scandinavian Cooking. Not surprisingly, she has proved a BIG hit with US viewers despite being unable to use her trademark phrase: 'jättegott'.

What does that mean?

It means eminently palatable.

A quick dip...

I have gone through the trouble to map some directions to Sonderborg, so I'm expecting some visitors...

Your best bet is to come here, since I may not be home... ever!

...

...

via Google Maps

Another Swede Returns Home...

On Saturday, April 28, another Swede returned home... My grandpa, John Hallberg, passed away in his sleep after enjoying his last cookie time.

Swedish Bikini Team

Introducing... up close and personal: the Swedish Bikini Team

Who are they and why are they famous?

The Swedish Bikini Team stepped out of the sea and into the limelight in 1991. Once accurately described as 'vixens of beerdom', the swimwear Swedes quickly skedaddled off the scene and were last spotted dancing to rock music in a cottage in Lapland just a few months after their breakthrough.

There are about fifty possible follow-up questions but let's start with this one: What the heck are you babbling on about?

Right. Well phrased, sir. Let's put it this way: the Swedish Bikini Team's exit from the world stage was facilitated by the fact that it had never really existed in the first place.

Well, that makes it clear as sausage water, as they say in these parts.

Bear with me a moment. The thing is, Sweden does not have, nor has it ever had, a bikini team. Now that's not to say that there is no such thing as a bikini team. The USA, for example, has plenty of them. There's the west coast Kwicherbichen team (say it aloud, you may find it amusing). Then there's the Cajun Spice team from Louisiana, as well as a couple of combos in Florida. But all of these bearers of beachwear have ready access to a commodity that Sweden sadly lacks.

So who were these Scandinavian lovelies then?

Firstly, it is interesting to note that not a single flailing Nordic limb was to be found among the Swedish Bikini Team's ranks. The girls, all of them American, were hired to help market Old Milwaukee beer. Platinum blonde Swedish strand maidens were considered a perfect complement to the brewer's slogan: 'It doesn't get any better than this'.

What doesn't?

Life. Life, that is, for a group of young men spending time together in the great outdoors. In the ads, the underdressed pseudo-Swedes would always arrive on the scene, perhaps by parachute, just in time to counteract the onset of tedium.

And then they'd sit all down for coffee and a bun and discuss the pros and cons of turbo-charged Keynesianism?

What? No, they'd all dance, drink beer and perhaps entertain the notion of entering into transatlantic trysts. For the young men at whom the campaign was aimed, it just didn't get any better than that.

But imagine if they could have had all of the above as well as a unionized job, generous children's allowance and a secure state pension. Surely it doesn't get any better than that?

Stop it, you're being difficult. This campaign had nothing to do with the differing worldviews of wealthy nations. It was about fun, sex and beer, all done in a manner intended to parody more po-faced beer commercials in which cameras lingered shamelessly on the female form without the slightest sense of fun.

And how was the campaign received?

It was incredibly popular to start with. The Swedish Bikini Team became so well-known that they appeared in a couple of episodes of Married... With Children before accepting Playboy's invitation to shed their famed blue and yellow bikinis.

Cripes. They'd come a long way from the mind of an advertising guru. What made them go from major league and widely loved to itsy bitsy and teenie weenie?

Following complaints from some female employees, a lawyer took exception to the brewer's bevy of bikini girls and accused the makers of Old Milwaukee of creating a working climate that was conducive to sexual harassment. In the words of Patrick Scullin, one of the campaign's creators, the Swedish Bikini Team came to represent "the politically incorrect evil that lurks in our loins".

Let me guess the next bit: Old Milwaukee backed slowly out of the room, whistled a happy tune and pretended never to have rubbed the lamp that first unleashed the beast.

Something like that, yes. Coming as it did at a time of some high profile sexual harassment lawsuits, the allegations caused the manufacturer to lose its bottle. As broadcasters and beer-makers began distancing themselves from the flashing of flesh, the surrogate Swedes didn't stand a polka dot's chance in hell of starring in a new campaign.

So what became of them?

A final ad spot for Old Milwaukee featured the usual flannel-trousered youths frying fish and proclaiming that it didn't get any better than this. Except this time it really didn't. The buxom blondes were not in Kansas any more. Instead they had returned to their faraway land, never to set foot on American shores again.

And nobody ever found the bikinis in the vaults of history and tried them on for size?

Now that you mention it, a replica team emerged some years back to carry on the noble legacy. The new Swedish Bikini Team even took the innovative step of involving actual Swedish women. The revitalized vamps went on to star in the Bond-meets-Charlie's-Angels feature film Never Say Never Mind.

It doesn't get better than that.
No, it doesn't.

BKASC: Bo Socken

Today's Better Know a Scandinavian City: Bo Socken

"Johan August Persson and Johanna Sofia Olsdotter were married about 1854. Johan was born on April 3, 1833 at a farm called Murtorpet located in Bo socken, a parish in the province of Närke.

Murtorpet

Following their marriage, Johan and Johanna lived at this same farm. The occupation of Johan was listed in the church records as crofter, a man who rented his cottage and paid for it by working for the owner of the land a fixed number of days. Johan and Johanna had seven children, but two died at very young ages. Their eldest son, Carl August, was six years old and his brother, Gustaf Adolf, was three when their sister Emeli was born in 1861. Two years later, Emeli died just four months after her sister Anna was born. Anna also died before reaching her second birthday. A son, Johan Axel, was born following the death of Anna. Their only surviving daughter, Frida Kristina, was born in 1868. In 1871, their youngest son, Malcolm Hugo, was born.

Modern Murtorpt

During the last half of the nineteenth century, many different factors were causing people in Sweden to emigrate to the United States. Among these were religious persecution, deteriorating economic conditions, drought and dwindling land availability. In 1880, Carl August, the oldest son, decided to emigrate to the United States. Although emigration was occurring all around them, Johan and Johanna must have had considerable heartache with the departure of a son to a foreign country, knowing that he probably would never return to Sweden and the farm called Murtorpet." (murtorpet.se)

Carl August was my Great-great grandfather. He was the first among his family to emigrate to America. In the spirit of my great-great grandfather's tenacity, I made my voyage back "home."

Me, back on the farm

Sweden withdraws from Miss Universe contest

Sweden will not send a candidate to the Miss Universe contest in Mexico, it has been announced. Organizers of Miss Sweden say the international competition is too old fashioned.

"The modernization of the international competition has been significantly slower than the Swedish contest, although we see signs of change on horizon. Until the parent organization catches up we have chosen not to participate this year," organizer Panos Papadopoulos said in a statement on Wednesday.

On a related note, Swedish model Anika Knudsen has a tattoo of a lingonberry on her right buttocks (not old fashioned).

Euro-Tailgate 2007

Yesterday was the first of many days to come in which we grilled the meat of our choice on the courtyard grill in our backyard. I chose a prime cut of Danish deliciousness. The festivities were to celebrate "The Last Tutten" rather than a Brewers game, but had the tailgate feel nonetheless. Funny how grilling a piece of meat over a few beers is celebrated everywhere in the world. I guess the American tradition of man, fire, and meat isn't all that exclusive.

Fernando (Spanish with mullet) manned the grill as German, Danish, French critique.

The grill has the seemingly magical ability to attract all men within a five mile radius around its smoldering coals. Men from all walks of life forget their differences while under the grills spell, as they stand around a fire gossiping about the exotic salts and spices they have used on their prized cut of meat. Men compliment each others meats, and express their pleasure about how great it is at least once every bite. Men act on their primal instinct to watch over and guard their precious prime rib. They bribe and argue about who's steak gets to be in the coveted sweet spot right over, but not too close to the hottest coals. Every man reverts to thousands of years of evolutionary favorable behavior: i am man. man kill bear. man cook meat.

When a man volunteers to have a BBQ, the following chain of events are put into motion:

1. The women buys the food
2. The women make the salad, prepare the vegetables, and make dessert
3. The women prepare the meat for cooking, place it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and take it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand

Here comes the important part:

4. THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL

More routine:

5. The women go inside to organize the plates and cutlery
6. A woman comes out to tell the men that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation

Important again:

7. THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN

More routine:

8. The women prepare the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and bring them to the table
9. After eating, the women clear the table and do the dishes
10. Everyone PRAISES THE MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts
11. A man asks a woman how she enjoyed "her night off" and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!

I have a theory on understanding where you stand in a relationship. Number one on the list signifies: you are joined at the hip; all the way down to six: you potentially are in a relationship.

1) buying a grill together
2) buying a car together
3) having a pet together
4) getting a joint checking account
5) buying a house together
6) exchanging/merging playdoh

ATR's: Before & After

Danish Haircut: 400 Krones ($73 USD)
Letting Jan shave it instead: free... and priceless!

comments?

Before After

100th Post Celebration!

In celebration of the 100th Swede In America post, I have shaved my head...

BKASC: Örebro

Today's Better Know a Scandinavian City: Örebro

Örebro is a smallish town in the center of Sweden, one hour west of Stockholm. The countryside around Örebro is similar to what one would expect to find in the Great Plains of the USA.

Wisconsin or Örebro?

Örebro literally means a bridge over gravel banks, which is how the geography looks, with the stream Svartån draining into the lake Hjälmaren.

The landscape is flat, farmed, and barned.

The city is the birthplace of Mary Stavin, Miss World 1977. She also starred in James Bond: Octopussy and A View to a Kill, as agent Kimberley Jones.

Swedish beauty, timeless.

Örebro also has a suburb, which a certain Swede in America's Swedish relatives come from... stay tuned for the climax of my Journey home...