Human Popsicles

Sweden is considering allowing freeze-drying as a new method to bury the dead instead of traditional burials and cremations:

The freeze-drying method offers an environmentally friendly burial transforming corpses into organic compost. Traditional burials and cremations hurt the environment by polluting air and water, as a corpse buried in a coffin will take many years to decompose completely.

Under the new method, the corpse is taken to a temperature of minus 196 degrees Celsius in a liquid nitrogen bath and the body is broken down into a rough powder through mechanical vibrations.

The remains are then dehydrated and cleared of any metal, reducing a body weighing 75 kilograms (165 pounds) in life to 25 kilograms (55 pounds) of pink-beige powder, plus the remains of the coffin.

The key point here... the company has applied for patents in 35 countries.

Little Mermaid statue defaced — again

The Copenhagen Post is reporting that once again, Denmark hippies retaliated in the government takeover of their "Freetown Christiana." The city is demolishing old buildings in the district to make room for a new government subsidized housing project, which has upset the squatters that have been living there for free since the government abandoned the old military barracks in 1971.

Whilst I'm as hippie as the next guy, these "non-violent" protests have gotten a bit out of hand. They have culminated into large gatherings where protesters start big fires and throw Molotov cocktails at police. That being said, I'm totally okay with painting the joke of a statue that is the Little Mermaid though... I hope I'm not brought in for questioning for saying that.

Sweden's Response to Football Brawls

In response to Kristin's experiences with football in Chile, I bring this article from Sweden. We take our football seriously here:

Mass brawl at Swedish girls' football match

A row between a parent and a referee at a girls' football match escalated into a brawl on Sunday.

The match, between two teams of 14-year-old girls, was being played at Möllevallen in Skurup. An exchange of words between the father of one of the players and the referee ended with the ref whacking a ball at the spectator.

"That's one version. The referee's version is that the parent threatened him with a corner flag," said Stellan Andersson.

The father went and got into his car while the referee called for reinforcements. Shortly afterwards, several cars full of people - including the referee's father - arrived.

Accoring to unconfirmed witness reports, they are said to have circled the father's car and tried to smash in the windows.

The father managed to drive away from the scene but two cars set off in pursuit.

"We went down there with four units. The atmosphere was very threatening at first. Nobody has been arrested but the matter has been reported.

Liveblog: Eurovision Song Contest 2007

Pre-show predictions:

• Of the 24 countries participating, one has English as its national language, yet 20 countries will perform songs sung in English.
• A Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction will happen, twice.
• Sweden will win.

Feel free to watch alongside live at:
http://www.eurovision.tv/addons/mediaplayer/live/esctv.html

8:57:
They just announced to the audience not to be alarmed when a motorcycle flies over the stage and to stop-drop-and-roll if the pyrotechnics go wrong...

9:01:
Opening credits depict Finland as a barren snowfield and Finns as devil worshiping people.

9:06:
Streaming website crashes... all of Europe must be tuning in
I'm forced to stream it from a Spanish website, commentary from this point forward will be in Spanish.

9:09: Bosnia & Herzegovina
Song is in Bosnian... Slow ballad with Bosnian women in nightgowns. Woman has a decent voice, crowd seems to be excited (maybe it was because it was the first song)

9:12: Spain
Spanish Backstreet Boys. Four Spanairds wearing futuristic white spacesuits. Synchronized dancing on par with N*SYNC. The hunky lead singer has a euro-mullet. Catchy dance beat, they lost it on the obligitory midsong key change. Pose ends with fire.

9:17: Belarus
First song in english... black button down shirt half opened hunk cannot sing to save his country. "Work Your Magic, something something love potion" Key change proves helpful to find pitch... ends alright.

9:20: Ireland
Riverdance (j/k) Irish lead singer looks so nervous it hurts to watch (and listen to). Pan pipes and violin enter as relief... now she's banging a drum which seemed to have taken the edge off. Did i mention i can't understand a word she is saying/singing. Song ends and she yells "Thank You" to the audience...

9:24: Finland
Host country. Reminds me of Evenensance. The audience must be full of Finns, because they are going CRAZY! "Leave me alone, i want to go home" (synchronized flames to drum beat) MC's take stage and say, "how about Finland!!!"

9:30: FYR Macedonia
What language do they speak there, because that is what she is singing in. She's gooood, but her background dancers are strange. She just walked to the front of the stage, cue Marlyn Monroe dress blowing wind and hair. My pick so far.

9:33: Slovenia
I'm scared... she's scary looking. It aint over till the "fat" lady sings a Slovenian tune. Now she's got some strange light emiting device on her hand and is waving it in front of her face as the high notes get higher. Hits the end note right on, but i don't think that is what the audience is looking for... Opera?

9:37: Hungary
I didn't know Norah Jones was Hungarian... she's got the blues. Set includes a sign that says "Bus Stop" and she's using the pole to hold her up as she is grasping for air. Wow, she is really belting it (did I mention that she has a HUGE belt on) Her halter top has a picture of Jesus and says "Thank God I'm a VIP" A mellow reception, but what do you expect for singing a mellow song?

9:42: Lithuania
Cool set... the band is behind a sheet and it is backlit so all you see is their shadows. Singer is sitting on a stool at the front of the stage with a guitar. She might be good, but the song should be playing in an elevator near you soon. The singer............ sorry i dozed off there for a minute, wow that was boring.

9:45: Greece
I bet he's the Justin Timberlake of Greece. His backup dancers are distracting... in a good way. Now he has his four dancers on leeshes and is walking them around the stage. Woah, Ricky Martin called and wants his moves back buddy! Maria Maria... my new pick for the evening.

9:49: Georgia
She looks like Gabriel Solice from Desperate Housewives. I'm getting the Madonna vibes. Great voice, and a catchy tune. Good use of pyrotechnics at the end... my Georgia gets the nod as my new pick.

9:52: Sweden!!!!
I'm freaking out here... The Ark is rocking it baby! Be prepared to hear this one on the radio stateside... ever since I got to Denmark I've been hearing them all the time, for a good reason. "Baby I'm the worrying kind" The crowd has spoken! Swedish flags are flying everywhere and fans are screaming like it's their job. Great time for an intermission... the planned break after 12 countries couldn't have come at a better time, I'd hate to follow that. The MC's just endorsed Sweden (if my spanish serves me correctly)

9:59: France
I love that they decided to sing in French, because a bunch of dudes wearing pink suits with angel wings prancing around the stage just wouldn't be the same if they weren't singing in French. The lead singer seems to have a ferret around his neck... i'm not sure if it is alive or not, but he keeps petting it. Not good, not good at all France... i know you can do better.

10:02: Latvia
Latvian Josh Groban... woah, now his clone came out, woah, now there are 6 Latvians in suits with top hats on stage belting it. Whoda thunk a bunch of men singing on stage could be so good (I did). Look for The Naturals to cover this Latvian song real soon. I don't think we could match their dashing looks though (yes we can).

10:06: Russia
Russian Spice Girls. I'll take them any day... The blonde one is spoken for (by me), but feel free to pursue the other two. Michael Jackson moves to boot... not to shabby. At the end of the day though, a group of 3 Britney Spearss is too much... I'll pass on Russia.

10:10: Germany
Frank Sinatra reincarnated as a German lounge singer. His backup band is doing a bang up job of providing a mad hook for him. Who knew German could sound so good. Key change... The Roger Cicero Quartet, I think i'll look them up and "buy" a CD of theirs... after Sweden of course, Germany is number 2.

10:14: Serbia
It's Pat... is it a guy or a dude? Whatever it is, I like it. I like her backup singers too. Key change... now i'm sure its a chick. Serbia could be the dark horse here.

10:17: Ukraine
Holy Crap thats weird... Ukrainian techno and they are wearing the strangest getup i've ever seen. First techno band ever with an accordion as the main instrument. Can techno win Eurovision? I don't think so, but i'd get down to this at a club. The crowd seems to dig it too.

10:21:United Kingdom
Mick Jagger, the rock star... actually no. Abba called, they want their recipe back. Two dudes + two chicks = a band. Are we on an airplane? They created the illusion of it by dressing up as airline attendants and singing "flying around" having produced The Beatles, i would have thought they could do better...

10:26: Romania
Not quite sure how to describe this one... if I were to do a Russian bottle dance, i'd probably have this on in the background. It seems to be a group of seven Romanians yelling at eachother, but now they made up and are in a kick line... hmmmm, Romania as 2007 champions... not this year.

10:30: Bulgaria
Stomp. No wait, was Stomp techno? The dude has a great mullet though. Can you yodel techno? Apparently in Bulgaria you can. Ha, the dude didn't sing a single word the whole time, but at the end he yelled "Europe, we love you..." you didn't earn the privilege to praise dude!

10:34: Turkey
Shake It... I bet he's cool in Turkey, but to me he looks like an out of place Texan rancher. He's trying a bit too hard, but his backup dancers don't even have to try. Since when is Turkey in Europe anyways?

10:37: Armenia
Love the puffy shirt buddy. i feel bad for him because his tree in the background got TPed (Toilet Papered) How did they get through the semi-final... oh yeah, they were prequalified from their performance last year. Lukewarm reception from the audience.

10:41: Moldova
Love the electric violin... Angelina Jolie can sing. I wonder what is holding her pants up, because it looks like a stiff wind could blow her over. Those violins are throwing up a mad beat, not to mention she's rockin the mic. Number 3.

10:46
Show's over, phone lines are now open! You only have 15 minutes to vote, so get texting. The MC's just brought Santa Clause on stage... what the heck is happening? He just took out a big bell and starting ringing it to signify the start of the 15 minute voting period.

Final round-up is being shown and American Idol style summaries of each performance are being shown. This gives me a chance to finalize my predictions.

1. Sweden
2. Germany
3. Moldova
4. Finland
   
5. Latvia
6. Georgia
7. Serbia
8. FYR Macedonia
   

My vote has been cast... and I'd imagine rest of Europe has cast its vote as well. Good thing Finland is home to Nokia.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Stop Voting.

11:10
They are in the "Green Room" and they have stuck a Finnish Joan Rivers in the room with them all. Wow she is a ditz...

11:16
They are releasing each countries results one by one... It seems all the small eastern European countries are voting for each other. Russia has taken a huge lead...

11:20
Every country gets the same number of votes... that isn't fair at all (kinda like the electoral college)

11:23
Denmark gave Sweden its 12 point vote!!!! Scandinavia has to stick together baby...

11:25
Finland gave 8 points to Sweden and 12 to Serbia... I have officially disbanded Finland from Scandinavia.

11:42
Norway gave their 12 votes to Sweden!!!

11:49
Sweden gave Finland their 12 votes... we lived up to our Scandinavian duty, unlike Finland.

11:54
With seven countries left to vote, Serbia has a huge lead.

11:59
Iceland gives 10 points to Sweden, 12 to Finland... I think Iceland should be added to Scandinavia.

12:03
Serbia wins... Yawn.


Is the voting system flawed... yes. You're still number one in my book Sweden!

Liveblog: Eurovision

30 minutes until show time... stay tuned for my LIVE commentary!

Denmark's Eurovision Dreams

Denmark's dream of winning Eurovision 2007 died this evening as they failed to make it through the qualifying round. The attached video of the performance gives key insight as to why they didn't qualify:



PS: Sweden's "The Ark" is prequalified for the final to take place Saturday.

ATRs: Which Swedish Princess Should I Marry?

Crown Princess Victoria

Princess Madeleine

So the Swedish Royal Family is in Copenhagen for a few days, and this brings up a question that has gone unanswered for far too long... which member of the Swedish Royal Family should I marry?

On the one hand, Princess Victoria is the Heir to the Swedish Kingdom... On the other hand, Princess Madeleine is The Duchess of Hälsingland and Gästrikland. Do I want an entire kingdom, or just a couple provinces to look after? Either one would mother beautiful Swedish babies, so that's a moot point... Both are collegiately educated: Princess Victoria is a Yale girl, whilst Princess Madeleine a U of Stockholm girl...

I've been loosing sleep over this... I could really use some feedback from the readers.

10 Minute Rule/Teacher of the Month

So we attempted to go to class today, but when we got there... no professor. A sense of excitement immediatly filled the room, as people began running the formula in their head:

The duration that must be waited =
10 minutes + (# of 4.0 students x 2) + (Age of professor/10) - temperature outside (in celsius)

This is of course an unwritten rule, which leaves some room for discretion. The class collectively got up after 19 minutes without a single word being said and left the classroom. Even though it is only May 8, I am going to give the nod to Jesper as the "Teacher of the Month: May." He has clearly earned this honor, canceling class two times in April, and now with the no show... easiest decision ever.

Skinny Swedes

Once again, Swedes (and Danes) show us the way. I can attest firsthand that my fellow Swedes are every bit as curvaceousas I have made them up to be.

Genes, or lifestyle? Something to think about...

Kollegiet Olympics

Yesterday marked the annual Kollegiet Olympics here in Sonderborg. Each of the student halls in Sonderborg (Sønderskov-kollegiet, Ungdoms-kollegiet, Handels-kollegiet, Park-kollegiet, Borgmester Andersen-kollegiet, Damgade-kollegiet, Humlehøj-kollegiet) are invited to form teams and participate in Football (Soccer), Volleyball, and Brännboll.

However, it isn't a athletic competition so much as it is an excuse for Danes to drink (we do that a lot here). Eight o' clock in the morning a Danish breakfast is served and washed down with a cold beer (to be followed throughout the day with warm ones). This signifies the start of the games...

Our international team quickly became familiar with the rules... when someone is playing too well, they are given a "green card" by the referee. This player is ordered to the sidelines and handed a warm bottle of beer. They must finish the beer before they are allowed to re-enter the game. Not only does this encourage competitive play, it gives a player an excuse to take a breather and a brew.

It was a long day of fun in the sun, and in the end, our international experience in both sports and drinking were not to be matched. We won the two sports we entered (none of us knew how to play Brannboll) and took the trophy (there was no trophy). Needless to say, block 4 HK goes down in the books as the champions.

The best was yet to come though, and through all the Danish chatter over the loudspeaker: "Det er bestyrelsen, som indgår udviklingskontrakt med WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!"

I remembered to snap a picture during the first "heat," the later rounds proved too captivating to snap pics of...

Great day, or greatest day...? It's hard to tell.

Tragedy in Legoland: Woman Dies in Lego Rollercoaster Accident

BILLUND, Denmark — A 21-year-old employee at the Legoland amusement park was killed in a roller coaster accident, police and park officials said Monday.

The woman, who was not identified, died immediately Sunday after being hit by a coaster car, police said.

"We're shocked," Legoland manager Henrik Hoehrman said. Nothing like this has happened before."

First of all... I went on that ride, and it was pretty sweet. Second of all, if my Lego Princess was in any way harmed because of this coaster, so help me god... I'll unbuild the entire coaster brick by brick and build a castle for us to live in happily ever after.

Introducing... Sweden's Modern Swedish Chef

Sweden's answer to Martha Stewart, Tina Nordström mixes pseudo-southern charm with a cheeky sense of humour.

Who is she and why is she famous?

Tina Nordström is Sweden's most famous celebrity chef. The likable southerner's untrammeled popularity make her something of a Swedish Delia Smith (without the major shareholding in a mid-sized football club), or Martha Stewart (without the spell in jail).



What's her secret?

Like mama's lasagna, it's all in the recipe. Take a spoonful of southern charm, mixed with a dash of barely decipherable dialect. Add a sprig of humour and bring the bubbly personality to the boil. Stick the whole lot in the mixer and you're left with a quite delectable dish.

Sounds tasty alright.



It's a quite exquisite concoction, which has ensured that the woman they call Food-Tina has topped the ratings any time she's been bothered to put her hand near a pot.

And what about family? Has she ever had a bun in the oven?

Hilarious gag. She's only heard it more times than she's had hot dinners. But yes, she and her boyfriend Martin have a little one-year-old called Albin.



That was a bit saucy. So is she still keeping the juices flowing on Swedish television?

No. Food-Tina has recently been treating American audiences to her culinary delights on a show called New Scandinavian Cooking. Not surprisingly, she has proved a BIG hit with US viewers despite being unable to use her trademark phrase: 'jättegott'.

What does that mean?

It means eminently palatable.

A quick dip...

I have gone through the trouble to map some directions to Sonderborg, so I'm expecting some visitors...

Your best bet is to come here, since I may not be home... ever!

...

...

via Google Maps

Another Swede Returns Home...

On Saturday, April 28, another Swede returned home... My grandpa, John Hallberg, passed away in his sleep after enjoying his last cookie time.

Swedish Bikini Team

Introducing... up close and personal: the Swedish Bikini Team

Who are they and why are they famous?

The Swedish Bikini Team stepped out of the sea and into the limelight in 1991. Once accurately described as 'vixens of beerdom', the swimwear Swedes quickly skedaddled off the scene and were last spotted dancing to rock music in a cottage in Lapland just a few months after their breakthrough.

There are about fifty possible follow-up questions but let's start with this one: What the heck are you babbling on about?

Right. Well phrased, sir. Let's put it this way: the Swedish Bikini Team's exit from the world stage was facilitated by the fact that it had never really existed in the first place.

Well, that makes it clear as sausage water, as they say in these parts.

Bear with me a moment. The thing is, Sweden does not have, nor has it ever had, a bikini team. Now that's not to say that there is no such thing as a bikini team. The USA, for example, has plenty of them. There's the west coast Kwicherbichen team (say it aloud, you may find it amusing). Then there's the Cajun Spice team from Louisiana, as well as a couple of combos in Florida. But all of these bearers of beachwear have ready access to a commodity that Sweden sadly lacks.

So who were these Scandinavian lovelies then?

Firstly, it is interesting to note that not a single flailing Nordic limb was to be found among the Swedish Bikini Team's ranks. The girls, all of them American, were hired to help market Old Milwaukee beer. Platinum blonde Swedish strand maidens were considered a perfect complement to the brewer's slogan: 'It doesn't get any better than this'.

What doesn't?

Life. Life, that is, for a group of young men spending time together in the great outdoors. In the ads, the underdressed pseudo-Swedes would always arrive on the scene, perhaps by parachute, just in time to counteract the onset of tedium.

And then they'd sit all down for coffee and a bun and discuss the pros and cons of turbo-charged Keynesianism?

What? No, they'd all dance, drink beer and perhaps entertain the notion of entering into transatlantic trysts. For the young men at whom the campaign was aimed, it just didn't get any better than that.

But imagine if they could have had all of the above as well as a unionized job, generous children's allowance and a secure state pension. Surely it doesn't get any better than that?

Stop it, you're being difficult. This campaign had nothing to do with the differing worldviews of wealthy nations. It was about fun, sex and beer, all done in a manner intended to parody more po-faced beer commercials in which cameras lingered shamelessly on the female form without the slightest sense of fun.

And how was the campaign received?

It was incredibly popular to start with. The Swedish Bikini Team became so well-known that they appeared in a couple of episodes of Married... With Children before accepting Playboy's invitation to shed their famed blue and yellow bikinis.

Cripes. They'd come a long way from the mind of an advertising guru. What made them go from major league and widely loved to itsy bitsy and teenie weenie?

Following complaints from some female employees, a lawyer took exception to the brewer's bevy of bikini girls and accused the makers of Old Milwaukee of creating a working climate that was conducive to sexual harassment. In the words of Patrick Scullin, one of the campaign's creators, the Swedish Bikini Team came to represent "the politically incorrect evil that lurks in our loins".

Let me guess the next bit: Old Milwaukee backed slowly out of the room, whistled a happy tune and pretended never to have rubbed the lamp that first unleashed the beast.

Something like that, yes. Coming as it did at a time of some high profile sexual harassment lawsuits, the allegations caused the manufacturer to lose its bottle. As broadcasters and beer-makers began distancing themselves from the flashing of flesh, the surrogate Swedes didn't stand a polka dot's chance in hell of starring in a new campaign.

So what became of them?

A final ad spot for Old Milwaukee featured the usual flannel-trousered youths frying fish and proclaiming that it didn't get any better than this. Except this time it really didn't. The buxom blondes were not in Kansas any more. Instead they had returned to their faraway land, never to set foot on American shores again.

And nobody ever found the bikinis in the vaults of history and tried them on for size?

Now that you mention it, a replica team emerged some years back to carry on the noble legacy. The new Swedish Bikini Team even took the innovative step of involving actual Swedish women. The revitalized vamps went on to star in the Bond-meets-Charlie's-Angels feature film Never Say Never Mind.

It doesn't get better than that.
No, it doesn't.